Fuck me please?

I hate how unfair life is. I’ve always tried to be the best person that I could be.. I wanted to make my mom proud of me, so I never smoked or drank, never got in trouble, got semi-decent grades, but yet, I still got the shittiest hand in life. I’ve never had a father.. he was around but was never a father. He was an alcoholic and chose booze over us children. He ended up dying when I was 10, so I never got to know him. All of my grandparents died on me by the time I was 10. I ended up getting molested by my mom’s ex boyfriend. Although I have 2 siblings, they always left me in charge to take care of my mom since I was the only one living with her. I did that for over 12 years. I am only 23. My mom had 2 strokes and many smaller strokes, and most recently, she choked, died, was revived, and ended up dying a week later. I was home when it happened and I can’t get the image of her dying out of my head. I had to watch my own mother die twice. I am traumatized. I feel alone and scared and I just feel like this life won’t get any better. It’s so hard to even get out of bed everyday. I just don’t know what to do. I’m having a hard time finding a job, and I will probably die alone. I push people away and I hate that I do it. I just want somebody to want me for me, but it feels like that will never happen. :(